Beware the Quiet Ones, They're Actually Posessive, Sexy Pirates
by Rahar Moonfire
Summary: Chilling in a coffee shop with an out-for-the-count Spaniard and overexcited Prussian can be detrimental to a certain Italian's health...and patience. But it can also brew ideas that were much better left in the gutter. Especially when said ideas become a reality. After all, who doesn't love a possessive Spanish pirate chasing after their butts? Romano/Prussia/Spain trio


**A/N:** So this started out as an accidental RP on Facebook then grew into a cracky, smut fic. And it's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. ^^;

Hope y'all enjoy. Pokeypie, thank you for being my Prussia. Welshdragonlady, I hope you enjoy what we do to your Spain. Not that you were complaining much, if your laughter and suggestions were anything to go by. ^_~

"Great," Romano groaned, resting his face in his hands. "Now I've got another crazy person chasin' my ass."

**Accidental Planning**

He'd been enjoying a nice, restful break at a local café. He leaned back against the leather couch reading a book, his legs propped up on the low table while Spain slept obliviously on his lap. Prussia was settled comfortably on the floor by Romano's legs with his head resting on his folded arms against the coffee table. He was sopping wet after coming in from the pouring rain outside.

Prussia grinned, flashing his pearly whites cheekily up at the Italian. "I haven't heard any complaints either. Keseses!"

Romano glared down at his companion, lifted the small, fluffy item from his pocket that had become a running joke amongst the three. "Mustache?"

Prussia smiled and tilted his head to the side. "My bruder was right, it does look like you're the one wearing it when you hold it up like that. How do I look with a stache?" The albino held his finger up above his upper lip in a mockery of the thing. "Sexy, huh?" he asked, cackling as Romano fought against the quirk in his lips. "Romano, you are adorable."

The Italian blushed, put away the mustache and hastily returned to his book. The Prussian grinned. "Nein! Don't read, Lovi. We were just starting to have fun." Calmly, he climbed up to join the Italian on the couch and nuzzled his head against Romano's neck.

Lovino tensed and stammered, "wha-what?~ Gilbert! But…I was…how did…Spain?"

Gilbert snorted. "Aww. If you wunna add Antonio too, you can. There's enough awesome to go around."

"No. You smell like potatoes."

Gilbert snickered. "I smell like potatoes? I just came in from the rain and I smell like a potato? That's actually pretty funny. You're so cute."

"Eh? _I'm_ cute? But Gilbert, I thought you liked Spain? He's cute. I-I mean…" he broke off abruptly when Antonio sighed and shifted in his lap. "Crap."

Gilbert laughed awkwardly, blushing as he leaned back, "Ja, you're cute. And shut up. You are _so_ lucky that idiot's as dense as a wall, Lovino."

Lovino smirked, "Yes well, but that's part of his attraction. Just don't get him in his old pirate attire. It's makes him hyper alert to everything. Not to mention his sexiness skyrockets. And the worst part is he knows it."

"Ja, it is," Gilbert nodded knowingly. He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Don't I know it, Lovi. You were a kid when he was going through the phrase the first time, but me?" Prussia blushed bright red and buried his face in his hands, drawing Lovino's sudden attention. "You thought France was bad? He's got nothing on Spain when got in the mood back then. It was almost terrifying."

Lovino stared in shocked awe. "Wish I could've been there to fee- I MEAN see that."

"Naw. The tamer version of his pirate days is much better for ya Romano. Truuust me."

"But if he had the both of us," Lovino said, nudging the Prussian, "plus a little laced wine…" a quick glance down at the still unconscious Spaniard in his lap, "I think we could have some fun. Of course, we can't forget the outfits, though."

Gilbert blinked dully for a moment before smirking. "Republica de Italia Romano…I like the way you think." He ruffled the brunette's hair happily as a dark twinkle lit his eye. "I'm sure I can dig out his old outfit without him knowing if ya distract him! You get the wine…But once he gets in the outfit, we are so screwed." He leaned back and thought a moment, glancing down at the _still_ sleep Spain. _Honestly, how can he be so completely oblivious?_ "We'll need to set this up and _then_ get him in it. Keseses. Lovi, this is why I love ya."

. "And this is why I tolerate your brother dating my fratello," Romano muttered, rolling his eyes in tolerating annoyance. "Any suggestions for how to set this up correctly? Like maybe a chase through Venice? I hear pirates enjoy water." Lovino smirked, ideas building in his head.

Gilbert laughed loudly before quickly slapping a hand over his mouth when Antonio groaned and shifted so his face buried itself in Lovino's stomach. Lovi practically dropped his book and blushed furiously, glaring at the still snickering Prussian.

"Oooh,! I'll pack his outfit and we can say we're taking him on a trip to Venice. A little sightseeing, he loves that, ja? It's not hard to distract him…hell, point at a turtle and he's distracted for an hour." He grinned. "We get there, have a little wine and then I can 'accidentally' push him in the water. That'll be a way to get him to change into the outfit." The albino was practically giddy with excitement. "He changes and uhh what's that word? Oh! Presto! Ja! Instant chase around Venice! Just don't get caught."

Romano snorted. "Oh don't worry. I'm Italian. I rum rather fast. Just don't you get caught. But, where should we _let_ him catch us? Or…should we just let him take us wherever he…Nope, no, no, nope. I'll only do that if it's pitch black outside and…Gilbert, start talking before I dig my grave any deeper."

Gilbert tried his utmost best to hold back his laughter. "Please, I'm way too awesome to get caught unless I _want_ to." He smirked. "We just gotta be one step ahead of him. He'll probably try and corner us or lead us to a beach. I swear, that idiot can run on sand way to well to be natural." He shuddered. "We gotta avoid that." He blinked and then grinned ear to ear, the proverbial light-bulb lit up above his head. "I got it. If we get a map and make a route beforehand, we can lead him to one of the areas that has abandoned buildings. That way we have free reign. We should set up an area of camp beforehand too. Leave some 'supplies,'" –a suggestive wink and nudge later- " in one of the buildings. You know that area better though. You'd have to show me where."


End file.
